There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
