I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
