There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
