apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
