You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Ladies don't puke and tell
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
