the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize