who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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