woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
