cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
