Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
