Duck Duck Cougar?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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