I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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