I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
