Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
