Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
you had me at cake vodka
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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