I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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