Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
