I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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