Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
