I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
