I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
me + whiskey = a bad person
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
