You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
