I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
