"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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