How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
