Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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