he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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