How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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