I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
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