My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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