I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize