he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
