Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
True strength comes from lack of pants
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
