all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
