yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Randomize
