We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
