I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
