Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
