we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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