im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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