the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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