All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
