I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
