You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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