I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
