I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Randomize
