dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
