I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
