This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
