watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
You need a sexual gate keeper
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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