I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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