When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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