so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
