my phone needs a breathalizer
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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