He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
