there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
