is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
