so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize