The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
