Even the bartender felt bad for me
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
