My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
