I'd wear matching sweaters with you
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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