My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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