Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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